Dinner Conversation

Recent Topics:

• How to keep airport security from messing with the sex toys you’re brining with you on vacation.  (The best solution involves melted chocolate.)
• How to remove caked on semen from you eyelids.
• How to brooch the subject of porn use with your partner — if at all.
• Which Kardashian is most in need of a sex therapist and/or marriage and family therapist.  (Conclusion: Bruce Jenner — who should also probably change his last name to Kardashian, by the way.)
• How to ensure that our children are so comfortable with the notion of coming out that they never really feel the need to “come out”.
• Does four consecutive days without sex constitute a dry spell?  If so, does “doing it” twice in the same day cancel out one of those four days?
• Is Lady Gaga a drag queen?  And, on a related note, just because she’s a celebrity, do we have the right to be curious about her sex life?
• How old should a young girl be before she can publicly use the word “cock” without making people uncomfortable?  (This lengthy and rambling chat/debate came on the heels of watching KICK ASS!)

Schick Quatro Trim Style for Women

I realized yesterday, whilst driving into town, that I cannot help but think of the new Schick Quatro Trim Style for Women whenever I pass by shrubbery of any kind — be it trimmed or unkempt.

Did an Australian come up with this ad campaign?  If you’ve seen their hot dog ads you know what I’m talking about.

The trim-style ad is so literal I’m not sure whether I’m tickled by it or offended. 

Goodbye gnarly bush.  Hello triangle of love (or landing strip).

I can’t help but wonder if there is an extended version of it out there that features one shrub completely defoliated.  But then again, do people selling a “pubic trimmer” want their consumers to contemplate the notion of going “Kojack”?  That’s what wax is for …

Regardless, it’s one hell of an effective ad campaign.  

I’m on board as soon as they come out with an ad campaing encouraging men to pick up a quatro trim style for themselves.

I know plenty of men who could use a little manscaping, current company not excluded.  I’m ready to be sold.

What would that ad look like?  Would it involve coconut palms?  A cactus or two?  What shrub has a relatively straight trunk and two large ornamental bulbous “fruits”?

An Australian would know.

What’s it like being married to a sexologist?

When people find out my wife is a sexologist, the number one question is “So, what’s it like being married to a sex doctor?”

Answer:  Lots of pressure and, consequently, lots of performance anxiety. 

I’m constantly trying to reassure her that every ”bedding” doesn’t have to be freaky-deaky visit to the proverbial sexclub, but night after night (and moring after morning and afternoon after afternoon) she feels compelled to try and blow my mind.

It must be exhausting.  I feel for her.